The Necessities In A Successful Relationship!

"I want a man who compliments me. In other words we need to be able to balance each other out. We can have lots in common but also be able to accept each other’s differences. " -SlimmFancy

So I've given this a lot of thought...I sat down and really thought about what I felt were the top qualities every successful relationship should possess... And with the help of a few friends, I was able to narrow it down!!

So before I begin let me just say this is strictly my view and my opinion not saying it's right or wrong....

1. Presence: personal appearance or bearing, especially of a dignified nature

Confidence: sure of oneself; bold

Know you got it!!! (Make sure you really got it first lol)…. Confidence should be like a permanent outfit from head to toe.(it should never come off). Whether you are walking a runway or walking down the quietest block...whether you are giving a speech in front of 7,000 people or on a dinner date with your lover...whether you are giving a presentation or on one knee proposing, your confidence should ALWAYS be present. Your confidence can set you apart from everyone else. I always give the example you can dress two people from head to toe in the same hideous outfit (one insecure & one confident) & please believe that confident person will be the first one noticed and might even have a group of ppl running out to buy an outfit just like theirs! Lol!

Confidence is Sexy , it's Bold, it makes a statement. Be careful though, there's a thin line between confidence & cockiness....the key is to remain humble . Know your worth! Think about it...if it shows that you don't know your worth how do you expect your lover to value you....

2.Independent: Free from the influence, guidance, or control of another or others; self-reliant

Intellectual: Having or showing intellect, especially to a high degree

Fellas seriously….no one wants a girl who is all about sitting pretty waiting for someone to take care of her financially. And ladies if something went left and you don’t have your own, when the relationship is over, what do you have to fall back on???? It is so NOT sexy for anyone to be lacking drive (motivation, determination, and inspiration) to be successful. Ladies don’t want a broke dude living on someone else’s income with no goals or plans of getting on their feet and being successful, just as much as a dude doesn’t want a girl who can’t hold her own. Independence is so important; it can definitely make or break a relationship! Also, have a mind of your own…yes it is normal to agree with and have several commonalities with your partner but it is also necessary to have your own mind, thoughts and individuality. Ne-yo says it best….

“She don’t look at me like Capt’n Save em, Gold digging no she don’t do that, Now she look at me like inspiration, she wanna be compliment to my swag. And everything she got, she worked for it, good life made for it, she take pride in saying that she paid for it……Only kinda girl I want, Independent Queen working for her throne….I love her cuz she got her own”

3. Sexually Competent – SEX DOES MATTER!

Yes I'm saying it sex plays a big role in a relationship...think about it what's the #1 way ppl cheat.....SEX. I feel you have to be sexually in tune with your lover (know what to do, how to do it, where to do it & know exactly how to please). I feel sex should have many different abilities ( ability to make art, make music, get crazy, be exotic, express creativity, ability to satisfy, exude passion etc) & I feel in order to keep it exciting lovers should be comfortable enough to explore and try new things from random places to handcuffs whips and chains (to each his own). Now don't get me wrong I understand there are couples who vow to abstinence so I am not referring to them. I am strictly referring to those who are sexually involved in their relationship. And just to be clear, I don't feel like people cheat sexually because they aren't getting what they need at home because in many situations you have exactly what you need and more at home but human nature and that curiosity of exploring something new is what gets people more times that none.

Just remember when deciding to commit sex plays a role so make sure it's someone you view as "sexually competent" to take care of your needs vice versa...unless you have decided they aren't that great in bed but all other qualities outweigh the sex and Made the commitment to be ok with that! sex is another one that can make or break your relationship! (just my opinion).

4. Understanding- To perceive and comprehend the nature and significance of; grasp

Communication- To express oneself in such a way that one is readily and clearly understood

Sometimes I think people automatically assume that others are mind readers! Cut it out!! I cannot stress enough how important communication is!!!!!! In a relationship 2 people have to be able to communicate (write it down, draw a picture, play it out in a game of charades) do what u have to do to make sure you communicate with your lover especially if it's an issue you have with them. Lack of communication leads to frustration, avoidance, aggravation and eventually a break up!! If you can't talk to your lover, the person who you have committed to build with, your best friend then how do you expect to progress?? Believe me when I tell you communication & understanding is key!

5.Loyalty- A feeling or attitude of devoted attachment and affection.

Trustworthy- worthy of being trusted; honest, reliable, or dependable

These two go hand in hand and this is a big one! For me it’s loyalty over everything because with loyalty comes a lot of other qualities such as trust, honesty & respect. When 2 people make that decision to truly commit, they are committing to be loyal to their man/lady and cheating is never an option. Leave the relationship before making a selfish decision to cheat because the minute you betray your lover is the same minute trust, honesty, respect and LOYALTY is obsolete and without these characteristics, a relationship cannot survive no matter what!!!!! If I can’t trust you as far as I can throw you, we have absolutely no future together……Just saying!

Diverse- Made up of distinct characteristics, qualities, or elements

It is refreshing to have someone who doesn’t blend in with the rest but can adapt to any situation without seeming misplaced. For me personally, I don’t want to be with someone who reminds me of 10 other people (lack of originality, lack of distinct characteristics) and I don’t want someone who I can bring with me to the club but can’t bring to a family function or an elegant dinner because they do not know how to adjust in different settings. I want someone who stands out (that’s what drew me in), someone who knows how to act based on where they are and who they are around (there is always a time & place for everything) and someone who is true to themselves (not having multiple personalities just to make people believe they are different or to simply be liked by everyone).

Last but not least a good sense of humor!!!!!!! Let it out, have fun, be silly, live life!!